Request to Serve a Mission in Germany

How our Mission Call Came About

The following are my journal entries regarding our serving a mission and what happened to make it come to pass.

August 30, 2010  

             

I have been volunteering at the Cedar Institute to help with registration for the past week.  I only planned on doing it for a week but Chris Reynolds’ husband had to have surgery where they were going to remove a section of his nerve in his face because he is such pain.   It was about 4:00 p.m. and my cell phone rang.  I did not recognize the phone number.   When I answered it, Richard Hawks was on the other end.   He is one of the six Administrative Assistants in the Church Educational System.   He works with the Utah South Area among many other places in the world.   He asked how things were going and then he told me he had just been in Germany and that he had something for me to consider.  

He asked if my husband and I were thinking about a mission yet.   I told him I was but that my husband still had no desire to serve.   He talked to me and said that they really needed my talents and skills to help in the Area Office or Country Directors Office, I’m not sure which because I was not expecting this.   Anyway he said they really needed us for a year and that it would make a big difference in Europe if I would be willing to go there and help them.   

I asked about whether I had to learn German and he said, No.  He said they were in such desperate need that he would even check to see if they would send us for six months if that would work better.

  

As he was talking with me, I felt so strongly that we needed to go but I knew the problem I would have would be with my husband.  How was I going to convince him that I felt so strongly that we needed to do it?  

I said I would talk it over with my husband and see what we could do.   He said that my husband could do just about anything he wanted and that he was sure there would be something he would enjoy doing.   I thanked him for his confidence in me and realized the huge responsibility this would be.

Rhonda Hlebasko was the only one in the office when I took the call and so I talked with her.   How do I approach my husband?   What do I do?   How do I let him know that I feel this is a call from my Heavenly Father?   I left to go home and felt so full of the spirit and scared at the same.  I cried all the way home praying that the Lord could help me.

I told Marv when I got home that I needed to visit with him about something.   He listened but then he said, "Sounds like they just have a board that you are on one side when you are working and then when you retire they move you to the other side of the board so they can use you to work for free."

That really hurt but I was trying to understand that that would be how he would see things.   I told him I really felt we needed to do this but it was something we both had to want or we couldn’t do it. 

Richard Hawks said they needed us as soon as possible so I felt we needed to make a decision very soon.  I tried not to be too pushy so I changed my clothes, prayed some more, went outside and pulled weeds for a while.

We went to the Youth Detention Center to teach a young man.  This was our church calling to go every Monday night with about 6 or 7 other couples and do a Family Home Evening and teach the gospel to one of the boys were were assigned to.  This evening we played Apples to Apples in groups.   It was a pretty good evening.

We came home and before I was going to bed I asked Marv would he like us to pray together about what we should do and he said,  "Don’t you think we should think about it." 

I said, "yes but I think we should pray about it and then think about it."   

We did not pray together so I just went to bed and said my personal prayers.   I had a hard time sleeping so after waking up around 1:00 a.m. and laying there I finally got up at 3:00 a.m.   I checked on how to renew my passport and how long it would take.   If I expedited it I could get it about 2 weeks.    I then read the book by Robert Millett, “Talking with God”, which talks about how to pray and recognize our answers.   I read in the Book of Mormon and Doctrine and Covenants until 6:30 a.m.   I decided I needed to go to bed and try to get some sleep.   I didn’t sleep very good and so at 7:30 a.m. I got up and showered and got ready to go back to the institute to help.
 

During the night when I was trying to sleep, I dreamed about where would we live, how would we get around and just a ton of things that I would need to do before we left.   I am sure that is why I couldn’t sleep.

I keep reading that if I have faith the Lord can make my desires come to pass.   I do realize Marv has his agency and I can’t force that.   I just wish I was better at conveying my feelings to Marv.  

August 31, 2010

After being up most of the night I decided that I would fast today.  I wrote Marv a note telling him I loved him and that I hoped we could work through this decision and do whatever the Lord’s will would be. 

I went to the institute and my heart was hopeful.  I still feel that if the Lord wants me to do this, I will be able  to do it.  

I tried to call Richard Hawks back because Marv didn’t know what he would be doing and that really seemed to bother him.  I had to leave message and so I am waiting to hear back from him.

I told Debra Cox what we were thinking about and she said she would pray for me.  She put our names in the Manti Temple too.  The St. George Temple is closed for the rest of this week.

How do I feel?   I feel so at peace that we should go and serve in Germany.  I feel this was a request from a leader that should be followed.   I feel that if we do this, our relationship will grow, our children and grandchildren will be blessed.   

I am so scared because I asked Marv if he has been thinking about it and if so how he feels.  He said he feels we should stay here because that is what he wants to do.   I said,  "I think we should go."     

Why is it so hard?  Why can’t we be on the same page?   Why can’t Marv ask the Lord to tell him if he should have the desire to go?  He says he believes in prayer but he won’t pray and listen for answers when it is something he has made up his mind he doesn’t want to do.   I know this is a hard thing but I know that the Lord will help us do it. 

If we have to turn this down because Marv does not want to go, I pray the Lord will help me not be resentful of Marv and ruin our relationship.   Please Heavenly Father soften Marv’s heart and let him know that we need to do this.  You see he has a hard time with me volunteering for work that is similar to what I was getting paid for.   I worked for the church for 16.33 years and my life was blessed because of it.  I chose to retire because I felt I should and it has been good but I feel that Lord has blessed me with wonderful talents and gifts and if these talents and gifts and the knowledge I have learned while working for the church can be used to further the Lord’s work then I want to use those talents.   What a great blessing it would be to me to know I am doing what the Lord wants me to do.   I truly hope Marv doesn’t ask me to not do this but so far I am not confident that he will allow this to happen.   I wish he would understand and feel that this is like a calling from a church leader and that we should not turn it down.   I will try to be patient even though we are really not talking much.  Why do we do this?   Why can’t we talk?   It is not going away.  We will have to make a decision.   I just hope and pray that Marv will realize what I know and feel and be able to feel it too.   I know if we go he will end up loving it and will be grateful that we did it.   May the Lord bless us both is my prayer.

I went visiting teaching tonight and Marv had to go to his audit meeting.   I am going to bed and hope that I can feel the Love of my Savior and know that my desires are good.